nervousness

So I finally had a period.... I'd been so long, and so many wierd symptoms. Now that the "scare" is over for now...I'm still kinda scared.. and nervous... We're talking about trying to be parents NEXT year... like, 1 year from now, I'll be pregnant...

and I'm petrified. I want to be a good mom. and have a great family... but I want to still be myself, have a good marriage and career...
I wonder to myself if that's selfish- you know, to want balance. I know I'll love my kids, but i don't want to smother them. And honestly I don't want to be looked down on by other moms if I decide i WANT to work, not just have to. I love working, and Nordstrom.

and i get back to the whole "being pregnant" thing... I don't even know if i can get pregnant? what if i can't have kids and we go to italy and try like rabbits and then nothing.... so much pressure...

but there's the good side too... Jenn and andrew are talking about getting pregnant within the next year too. I'll have someone to be pregnant with.. and someone to go through what i'm going through.

until then, it's all about working and italy... paying for the timeshare, working, and italy.

for italy, we'll have our places through RCI, use cap 1 points and rent our PB week to pay for the rest of the airfare. SO... all we need is cash to spend, right? lots of it... I'm still thinking 4k.
money for food, transportation, souveniers, etc.
I'm excited for hawaii too :)

it's going to be SUCH a great time.

I love our life, I love Jeremy and all we get to do together. I;m so thankful we're able to do the things we love with each other. what a blessing.