So today, I'm stuck in bed again with this terrible-ness (right) that's been annoying me since saturday night. So, it's a good time to think, I suppose.
As far as life is concerned, we're pretty content. I was sitting here this morning playing some strange copy-cat game with my dog. It's strange... we don't share a language. we just simply connect. effortlessly we understand each other. he's not judgemental. he's not annylitical.... he just loves and plays...
and i think about work. when i "turn on" my stylist self- when i become rebecca or nicole. I have this super-power to connect with my client. and understand them. all different kinds of people, some that are totally foriegn to me... I just become relateable.
So how do i do that with my firends? I think I used to be that way. I used to be confident and empowered and just fun until about 2005. I guess it's because in my work relationships they don't need to know anything about me... it's all about them. it's all about my dog.
but i just have so many secrets. and so many walls.
I want the love, but i don't want to have any of the transparency.
or, I just want to TRUST that I'll be safe no matter what. and right now for some reason, i don't have that assurance.
but getting there is risky... and i don't want to take that kind of risk.
lyrics for today: Secrets:: OneRepublic::
'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that would light those years
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'm 'a tell you everything
So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
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