questions

why am I unhappy.....? what would make me happy...?. when was I happy.....?

all sorts of questions....
hmmm... let's work backwards....
I was happy some when i was dancing, some when i was travelling, some when i was styling.
I was happy when God and I were on speaking terms..

I am unhappy because i feel aimless. My whole life I've always had direction and a plan and something to work towards... and I have no idea what i want on every single level and i've never felt that way before.

I hate not knowing. I hate living my life like I'm walking in the dark. I feel so consumed by that uncertainty that I feel trapped.

That being said, the what would make me happy question is still out there, because if I knew that answer, I would be. I automatically think travelling. Maybe a plane ride and a good adventure would kick me in the balls enough to give me my drive back. Maybe just a long drive.
Some resolve, may bring some happiness...
resolve with esther... kells... gina... the danees and jeremy isaacs of my old life....

maybe some rest- real rest- would give me the opportunity to clear my mind.

I like my life. There's nothing wrong with it. that's the hard part. if i could point to one thing, and say "fix that", it'd be so much easier. but it's not. my secrets are more complicated than that.


Thought she belonged
But she knows she don't ...
Thought she had love
But it is not enough ....
The pain inside is speaking to her
How could she feel like this
So aimless