aint no rest for the wicked.

I made it.
both "it's"!!!!
I made my month by the skin on my teeth and made the horrible event by the skin on my toenails.
what a dramatic finish.

Now we have performance reviews coming up shortly and I'm really a little worried.
I'm first.

Nicole is last.... the bitch....

yes, you may have noticed a slight change in my tone about Nicole and Jenny over the past several months....

and what does the tone say? It says:

I feel like I'm in high school.
I'm always doing something wrong, I'm never good enough.

I'm always being judged and walking on eggshells.

The event from hell is over. Praise the Lord.

But now I have to face some things I've been trying to avoid.
I have to tell Jenny that I want to take Nicole's job.... but I dont want to work for her ever again.
I have to go to the doctor and find out what the hell is wrong with me.... I really don't want to know.

I have a cancer lump, uncontrolable nausia, insomnia, terrible headaches, fatigue.... I'm always scatterbrained... daydreaming.... thinking....

I wonder what it would be like to be happy again... I wonder when the last time was that I was happy....
what will fix me? cure me? .... hell, bandaid me- anything.

at least my bff's kettle and coffee are here to comfort me and make my headaches go away sometimes.

No I'm not an alchie too. I don't -need- liquor. promise.

But if something works, why fight it.... I mean, my sanity and well being are at stake, after all.