a breath of fresh air :)

today is one of the first days of in years that I've really felt like myself...

I didn't sleep late. I enjoyed a cup of coffee and cuddled with the pup...

I read (for hours!) and finished my book... oops.... It's been so long since I've read a good book... aparently I just enjoyed it a little too quickly... can't wait to download the next one in the series..

I cleaned and moved art around and did laundry and vacumed.

I did arts and crafts. I'm obsessed right now with making home-made lampshades and decorating them all girly playful....

I felt happy. Not tired... Not stressed...

When I was dancing, I used to clean and rearange furniture all the time.. I had so much energy. I was skinny. Jay always called me his "tiny go-getty wifey"....

Years later, 1 out of 3 aint too bad...
:)

Life is better now in so many ways. Most all of the ways, actually....

But I wonder how I would be if i were still... you know... a ballerina...

I don't want to go back, don't get me wrong. The decision was absolutely right for me.
...

but how would it be? still achy, in pain... probably broken physically and emotionally.... sore and stressed...
I still have dreams about gina and janusz and wonder what it would be like if i ever saw them again.

at first thought, I think it'd be petrifying... but now... so much time has passed and I've healed so much... It may just be normal.... or only a little akward instead of traumatic....

same with esther... maybe at this point it'd only be a little akward instead of traumatic...

But this is only wondering... And honestly, it's hoping that because i've grown so much, and because so much time has passed, that now I'm stronger and really could just "be"....

I used to be so dramatic...

I still am to some extent, but nothing like 10 or even 5 years ago....

and i wonder how ill be 10 years from now.

fatter? happier? more in love than i already am with the most fabulous guy on the planet?
will i have a kid? more than one? will i work or stay at home.... will we be comfortable, or struggling.

I just want us to always love each other and always do whatever makes us happy.

There's no sense spending time doing things that don't ultimately make you happy.

That's why I stopped dancing. and now, I truly am happy.


Thank you Jesus for days like today.
:)