lame

I dont know why I bother. I've really been trying to be social and build relationships... real ones, not just working ones... and I'm so frustrated.
"ditched" and "not good enough" should be my middle names.
What's the point of doing this to myself if I'm just going to get rejected over and over again.

I have noone.

If I have something happen at work, or a bad day I can call my mom or jeremy.
awesome.

Was it so bad to think that bringing friends to disney would buy me a friend? Not like they even went for it.
Not even an offer like that was good enough.

I'd love to just be confident and social like i was for awhile there. have someone to text or call just to tell a story. When something funny happens at work and I think "oh my gosh Ive got to tell- oh -wait- eh, they wont care.

because they wont.

If jeremy and i moved out of state, it'd be the same. he'd call jon and dad, Id call mom, we'd facebook our friends, and watch TV.

well, maybe not jeremy. he's starting to have some friends.

I'm just so sick of trying so hard and getting nowhere. noone else needs this like i do.
but i need it so badly...

and i'm doing it all wrong, i know.